Issues of Racial Attraction: Arbitrary Racism or Personal Preference?


If you only like a certain race, or don’t like a certain race, are you racist?

The former reveals a narrow-minded person who refuses to branch out, and the other is arbitrary.

But both are personal preferences.

My friend once said that to claim that people with personal preferences are racist isn’t logical, because a straight person isn’t necessarily homophobic, right?

There’s some sort of difference between being friends with people of a certain race vs. having romantic feelings for people of a certain race. Of course, the difference gets muddled as easily as it does when we don’t consider racial aspects, such as when friends fall in love or conversely, get friend-zoned.

But some discernible difference relies on friendship, as opposed to romance, being less concerned with physical appearance, which speaks to how shallow people can be, prioritizing physical appearance over personality, among other things.

So I wonder…do people discriminate because of physical appearances, stereotypes, or a combination of both?

Is any of this making any sense? I’m trying my best to untangle all of these thoughts in my head.

These situations are often linked to social confines, aka Asians hanging out with only Asians because of their similar cultures, and their unwillingness to assimilate or diversify friend groups.

It seems that people who can’t be attracted to all races perhaps, haven’t learned to understand the idea of universal beauty? They have a narrow view…even though there isn’t technically anything wrong with it.

At the end of the day, I have no clue what I think about this issue. These are just questions that have been in the back of my mind for as long as I can remember, especially as I’ve read articles about social surveys taken by dating apps.

We should treat gay marriage the way we treat these issues. We shouldn’t freaking pass laws that intervene; whether or not being gay is right or wrong is an individual’s decision. Who are we to make those decisions for others? If you think homosexuality is wrong, then GREAT FOR YOU, DON’T BE HOMOSEXUAL. But just agree to disagree with others, their lives are not our business.

What do you think?


  1. cnorris1024

    Hey, great post…
    This has actually always been a serious issue on my heart, and I tend to think about it often. I will have friends that say oh Chelsea.. I don’t care that YOU date “so and so race” but I would never. I would always think in my head.. well is that not racism by admitting that? I think that if someone is attractive and you guys have a lot in common, he/she treats you well.. idk what the problem is? Easy enough right? Obviously not. This topic has been debated for so many years. To me, I do not know how someone can love everything about a person BUT their skin color. But then again, what do I know? hah. anyways, enjoyed your post! Keep writing


    • catdiggedydog

      Hey Chelsea!! Glad to have found someone else who doesn’t see it in black and white, and who instead sees it as a serious grey issue!
      Did you check out the poll at the bottom? The vote is nearly split…Thanks for reading :)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. natpoww

    I think attraction to a certain race isn’t racist. Neither is tending to be friend with a certain race. I think that when people reach out to you and you don’t give them a chance solely based on their skin color is when one can be considered racist. On a psychological standpoint, people tend to trust those who look like them, which I think is a main reason humans tend to form friend circles with people of the same race. As for being attracted to a certain race, I think that could be considered a fetish.
    Interesting question.


  3. mgm75

    Interesting question. I think somebody can be racist, but to have a preference is not in itself racist. Personally, I am rarely attracted to black women – but that’s not to say I wouldn’t date one. I can think off the top of my head of at least five black women that I think are incredibly beautiful.


  4. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Ready, Set, Done | tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice
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  6. Sabina

    Okay so I’ve been thinking a lot about this because of Tinder. I wish there were a way to look at everyone I’ve swiped left and right for and tally which races people belong to (of course, sometimes it’s hard to tell just by looking at someone). I’ve been attracted to men of all races, but I’m around a predominantly white population most of the time so I probably swipe right for white men more often, but I’m also presented with white men more often. I wonder if my swiping ratio per race matches the racial makeup of the areas I’m in.


    • catdiggedydog

      Yeah! I know that whenever we try to put these issues into words it always sounds dumb, but these are actual questions I have and there’s no clear or definite answer. Also, Tinder is unique because these sort of apps are based solely on physical appearance.


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