Thursday night, 4/16/15
Every once in a while I have to take a break from the typical blogging to get real and reflective. This evening is one of those whiles.
Spring quarter is hitting me hard. I’m reaching the end of week 3, but I feel bloated, exhausted, on-edge, and overwhelmed. Even though new assignments keep popping up everyday, however, I still feel like I’m going strong.
I spend my free time listening to music or playing video games or going out with friends. This is entirely my decision, so any anxiety that I feel from this lifestyle can only be blamed on me.
It’s not that I’m not having a good time! These past few weeks have been filled with some of the most interesting interactions I’ve had all year, comprising new friendships formed with a record-number of people.
However, I’ve noticed that I have much less time to just sit and enjoy life. I’m always rushing from here to there.
Take Wednesdays. My hump days are filled to the brim with 7 hours of academics with a quick lunch break, and then straight to work afterwards. Again, no one’s fault but mine, but I normally shrug it off because Wednesdays tend to be extremely productive.
But there’s an upside to all of this madness!
Someone asked me a few weeks ago, “What are you most proud of?”
Talk about a loaded question…
I thought carefully for a few moments before responding slowly that I am proud of my self-confidence. It’s taken years to cultivate it to this healthy, balanced level.
When I’m meeting new people, I’m much better at being able to talk to them. I feel more comfortable.
I’ve also been pretty successful about not falling into a rut. I’ve made efforts to hang out with different people, and have learned that keeping up with friends (especially new ones) takes effort. I’m definitely making them.
Spring quarter…is my Goldilocks quarter. It’s been all about striking balances. My first class starts at 10 am, compared to 9 am in fall quarter and noon in winter quarter. For my 10 am, I wake up around 9 am, which is just bearable while still letting me be productive.
It’s also been about balancing my social life and my academic needs. I’m still searching for that middle ground, but I’m having a blast doing so. The classes that I’m taking this quarter are pretty solid. I have a stronger work ethic and have the big picture in mind.
It’s difficult thinking about the end of freshman year. Should I be concerned that I’ve nearly forgotten what it feels like to wake up in my bed? My old bed, the one back in Atlanta.
The other day my cousin sent me a picture of him in the car with my dad. I saw my dad’s face and it evoked some strong emotions that got me feelin’ some type of way…
Something about seeing his face as opposed to reading his texts or hearing his voice on the phone made me realize just how much I miss my family.
When you hang around your friends so much that they start to become your family…
These past few weeks, I’ve also had difficulty dealing with people who aren’t good for me. The issue is that I do deal with them, when the solution is simply to just NOT.
I will not tolerate fuckboys, I’ve decided.
A trend that seems to run counter to the above phenomenon is that I’ve gotten much better about spending time with girls. I used to have a real tough time doing so, but have found them to be super drama-free and chill as of late. I think I might make this a regular thing!
Also, I don’t know if it’s just hormones or something, but my eating has also been out of wack! So many cravings! It feels like no amount of free and water can offset the fact that I’m staying up eating junk food late at night. Hopefully “this too shall pass”…
I was considering not taking the time to sit down and write this, but it’s come to the point that I absolutely must. You see, my mind has become so cluttered that it need to be re-calibrated.
Imagine a student lining up the dots on a SmartBoard screen. Reflective posts like this are essential in helping me line up my priorities to make sure my eyes are on the big picture.