I thought that since I have consistently felt like I didn’t know what to say here for the past few years, I would go back to basics and report on the latest life chapter of my existence – being an “adult.”

I put that word in quotes because by society’s standards, I’m nearly a full-blown adult – eligible to vote, legal to drink in the US, all that jazz. But I still feel like I’m a child in many ways. I can be responsible, but sometimes I don’t want to be. I have a job now, but I still don’t really know what I want to do with my life.

Right after I graduated college, I had a very tough time transitioning to my new working lifestyle. Routine suddenly became much more central to my life, with the days of the week taking on very different connotations than they did in college.

Sunday was no longer a second Saturday – it was now a pre-Monday. I found that it made the most sense to designate a certain day of the week to doing inevitable chores, like laundry and vacuuming.

Over the years I’ve lived through key life lessons, teachings that I’d heard but didn’t internalize until I felt them firsthand. The thing is, they often don’t look like a lesson in the moment. A lot of the learning happens after the fact.

It turns out that overcoming difficulties builds character and helps you become a stronger individual overall.

COVID-19 has me feeling very introspective and nostalgic, thinking about people that I was once close with. Lately I’ve found myself wondering why we’re no longer in each others lives.

Apparently there’s no rhyme or reason to it, but I’ve realized that in order for me to be at the place that I am today, my life had to play out the way that it did.

Still, that’s one thing I don’t think I’ll ever get over – is people coming and going in life. On one hand, someone you used to share secrets with, the first person you wanted to share exciting news with, your go-to person for consolation in hard times, is no longer in your life.

On the other, even having access to such pure and joyful memories is a privilege and testament to the positive impact they had on my life.

But I’m repeatedly reminded that everyone changes, and people naturally drift apart. And that’s okay.

You thought you were one thing but it turns out that was just a phase of your life. One of the first chapters in hopefully many – personality ends up being constantly in flux based on where you are, what you’re doing and who you surround yourself with.

Being a zillennial (Gen Z + millennial combined – that’s pretty much what I am) also adds a fun twist to the whole thing. Being connected to people on social media from not just your present day, but also your past is an interesting phenomenon. You know about their new dog, but you don’t know them and how they’re ~really~ doing.

Another everyday phenomenon that never ceases to overwhelm me is the passage of time – brutally rigid and treading in just the one direction – forward.

In some ways it’s terrifying – worsening eyesight, small body aches that creep up, eye wrinkles, gray hairs…

When I was a kid, death was something I read about in books, but didn’t happen to anyone I knew. It was just a concept I had yet to grasp. Slowly, I’m learning that it’s an inescapable fate, which means that everything up until then is meaningless in both a depressing and uplifting way.

In other ways, the passage of time is magnificently beautiful. Places you once regarded as foreign and unfamiliar, become places that you’ve physically walked, experienced delightfully for a moment in time.

——

Here’s some music I’ve been loving lately:

alternative title: an ODESZA DJ set would be soooo good

i just spent the past 3 days listening to odesza’s no sleep mixes at every possible opportunity. So, basically on my commute to and from work, in the shower, in the morning, in the car, when I’m cooking, and pretty much every other chance I have available.

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