i still have anxiety when i’m driving


amazing, isn’t it, that the only things keeping us from colliding with each other on the road are some painted lines and colored lights? yet some people feel restrained by these safety precautions and try to cut corners or skirt the edges and then they wake up in the hospital.

i still have driving anxiety.

it’s not something i’m sad or happy about. it’s just a fact; i’m merely stating it.

i was in a driving accident a few months ago and it was really, in comparison with other car crashes, pretty minor.

however, i don’t think that makes the experience any less horrifying because up until the point the other car collided with the side of mine, the possibility of a car crash had been a mere percentage, words repeated to me over and over but never a physical, psychological reality.

and i thought that by now i should have gotten over it, or the paranoia should have at least waned by now, but everytime a car switches lanes or everytime a vehicle is directly next to us or a bumper gets too close my body tightens up and i can’t let a breathe go until we are safely distanced.

it doesn’t help to be behind the wheel either, because last time it wasn’t my fault, so i realized that i am never 100% in control of the situation, that lives are not something to toy with, that safety guidelines are more like commandments if anyone feels like their life has any value at all, that you have at least some influence in the fate of OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES who choose (or rather, happen) to be on the road with you at the same time.

driving is no joke.

One comment

  1. Pingback: Car Accidents Are Not Glamorous. | Catherine Zhang

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