February 2, 2017

random realizations i had about life

enjoy a messy free-write/journal entry hybrid of mine, which broaches topics like reading, self-care, social media, personal interactions, college vs. high school, writing and the whole hubbub.

i am a book lover, but i have been out of my habit for years. i have a pile of leisure reading books just sitting next to my bed, left untouched for the past few months. i used to read like a maniac when i was younger. i want to get back into the habit, but i never make time to do it. so it’s important to take a few afternoons, if reading is something that sort of pulls you up and out of your own muck for a while, ya know? whether you are a biography lover (ew) or a fiction FREAK like me, there’s something refreshing about putting aside your devices and getting lost. and of course, i straight up miss sitting in bed and physically holding a book.

i like to reread A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, my favorite book. a coming of age novel that i first read back in probably…5th grade and have reread at least once a year, sort of reserved for special occasions like the one bath i take in my bathtub at home, that i take the time to draw once in a blue moon, aka once a year. i also try to read it on plane rides.

my point is, reading used to be my favorite form of self-care, but ever since around the beginning of high school i started to abandon it for digital content. youtube, blogs, even music – i spend a lot of my time actively looking for music and consuming food-related content (ha, very subtle pun) – and honestly, those two have become my go-to leisure options.

reading is a form of self care i’m trying to revitalize. so i slipped a book into my backpack to read when i have free time when i’m out and about. and when i start doing more of my work on the weekends, i’ll also start to free up some pockets of time here and there on the weekdays, maybe an hour at night, the perfect opportunity to pick up a book.

on the weekends i really like to spend time with my friends and go out exploring and experiencing Chicago – after all, I am a food and music lover, and Chicago is honestly an amazing city for both.

in college i got a lot more personal interaction than i was used to. when i was a first-year student at northwestern there was a point when i felt overwhelmed with how much time i was spending with others. constantly feeling as though i needed to have plans for the weekend and things to do, partially because of some sort of unspoken social pressure and also because i genuinely wanted to get out there, have new experiences and get to know chicago better.

i also have always told myself that i spend too much time on my phone – on Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat (ESPECIALLY SNAPCHAT HAHA) and Instagram. following brands (because I’m genuinely interested in them, and als0 because I’m studying marketing), music personalities in the EDM community, news because I’m studying journalism, and quite honestly, a lot of influence and hubbub from “internet people.”

and that means people and organizations on facebook, thought leaders and food/lifestyle personalities on youtube.

i have been using my computer for multiple hours a day ever since about freshman year, since i started really caring about debate, and then switched from Gchatting with my friends and working on research files to reading the news and following my peers’ lives on Facebook. and blogging has pretty much been a constant, steady effort ever since junior year. and honestly, there was a point in my blogging past where i was actively consuming content just to inspire myself to blog.

in a sense, i’m still ALWAYS making these realizations that i want to blog about, but for the past year i’ve really been dragging to write. too lazy to write ideas down and constantly suffering from writer’s block. or dissatisfaction with the quality of my writing content. and having so much more personal interaction than i was used to in high school. as in, back then i saw my friends at school and on debate tournaments. because a lot of my weekends were debate-related at the time. and a lot of my close friends in high school lived all around the country, not within distance to meet up in person. so yeah, i spent a lot of time just…online. connected.

but yeah, i’ve also tried to limit my social media usage a few times in the past few months. i’ve deleted my apps off my phone for a few days/weeks just to detox, and i haven’t had the facebook app on my phone for about a month now. i’m still pretty plugged in, however.

[in conclusion]

you can’t treat yourself too hard. for some reason for the past few weeks i’ve been living a work hard play hard style that’s become too stressful. i feel so stressed on weekdays and i stay up too late on weekends. avoiding work and responsibilities on the weekends and feeling like I have to constantly be doing something productive on the weekdays got too extreme to handle.

so you gotta intersperse and find a good balance everyday. a consistent daily routine helps keep you sane, honestly.

here’s a lot of good music i’ve been waiting to share with you all.

I LOVE BIG GIGANTIC SO MUCH.