I was too quick to judge, even though I tried to warn myself. This person can’t have my best interests at heart! Impossible! I soon became aware of how easily you took advantage of me. You kept taking, and never giving.
In some ways our personalities jived very well together. We were both so chill, so ‘lax about certain things that it was stress-relieving to spend time with you. But I now know that this fact couldn’t mask every other way in which you were detrimental to my conscience. There was so little I knew about you beyond the surface.
I didn’t resist, because I thought, This is what college is like. Get used to it.
But it got worse and worse, with you pushing the boundaries until I was jittery, jumpy and very unhappy. It has taken me so long to realize how toxic you are and how little you care.
What’s remarkable is that you still don’t get it. I know that you will keep going about your life believing that manipulating other people is okay and that respect is optional. Life doesn’t work that way.
No regrets about knowing you, but I’m so thankful you’re out of my system. Sometimes I look back and can’t believe that I suffered through our “friendship,” but about these sort of things, I rarely feel regret, because I always come out on the other side more in touch with my own self.
We used to say “best friends” and we used to promise to never lose touch, but here we are. It’s been months since our last call, last text. I have changed so much this past year, improvements and setbacks about which you know nothing. I have followed your life loosely through social media, but you always told me that shit wasn’t accurate. I have no clue what we have in common anymore.
I’m not very mad though. I think that in the next few years this will probably become a regular occurrence. It’s impossible to stay friends with everyone. You gotta let some people go if they aren’t really holding their end of the rope.
However, I’m glad that everything between us is amicable and friendly. I don’t think we’ve ever had a major conflict to deal with, simply because we used to identify so closely with each other. Circumstances let us drift apart, and I’m tired of fighting the current. You and I should just go wherever the waves take us.
I have actually thought about you a lot these past few weeks. Maybe music brings it back, maybe the weather reminds me of you. It smells like summer…
I’m very scared to reach out to you. I’m actually terrified. Of you, for you…
It seems like right now you’re in a good place. I haven’t said your name in so long, and the times when we used to be inseparable seem like a lifetime ago. Even though the pictures are gone from my phone, the memories are crystal clear in my mind.
It took months for me to feel at peace about any thoughts that involved you, but I’m very happy with my mental state at the moment.
Though in the future, if our pasts were to ever cross again, I have no clue what would happen.
Right now we are so physically close but the farthest we’ve ever been, emotionally. I still remember the first time we met, all light and flirty. Now I feel like I barely know you. You’ve changed so much. But I have too, just in quite different, incompatible ways.
Knowing you was being close one day and feeling like a stranger the next. I was not prepared for how little we would actually end up talking. We both made it seem as though we’d stay friends through the end.
You talk to me out of the blue every now and then, but I have to remind myself not to get my hopes up because I know it probably doesn’t mean much. I see you every once in a while and enthusiastically say hi, but it’s been so long since we’ve had an actual conversation that consisted of more than 10 syllables.
I should have seen this coming! This is just who we are! Maybe our lives will align in the near future, but I will not hold my breath.
No hard feelings, comrade…